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Choose Your Own Adventure: Will You Resist Your Cousin’s Sexual Advances in Quarantine?


Photo by yuan2003 / CC BY-NC 2.0 

It is Day 34 of quarantine, and, as is now your daily ritual, you are splitting a single Triscuit cracker with Addie. As you each silently nibble on that wheat-based wafer of joy, Addie turns to you. “Do you think I’m hot?” they ask, their eyes as round and innocent as those of Maryellen Larkin, your favorite American Girl doll. 

Your nibbling grinds to a halt. You weren’t sure before, but now your hypothesis is confirmed: cousin Addie wants you. You don’t really understand, especially because you have the sex appeal of an obese, feculent sow. Nonetheless, you are flattered, if a bit disturbed. 

“Hey dumbass,” gripes Addie at your silence. “You gonna tell me if I’m sexy or not?”

“Addie, that is not a very appropriate question to ask your cousin.” 

"Hell yeah, you’re fine as hell."