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“Daddy’s Cummies” Deemed Completely Kosher; to be Served at Hillel This Fall


Get ready to gobble and slurp your Daddy's cummies at the Falk Kosher Dining Hall located in Hillel this fall! As part of the Jewish Renaissance Project at Penn, Rabbi Ezekiel has certified that your Daddy's cummies are glatt kosher, and Rachel Rosenberg, famed Jewish slut from your freshman hall, could not be happier.

In addition to placing those random JRP lighters everywhere on campus and telling students that weed is kosher and then giggling, Ezekiel's main job is to certify that young Jewish sluts like yourself get to snack on as much cum as possible.

Of course, to prepare your Daddy's scrumptious cummies, your Daddy will be employed in Falk Dining and constantly milked by Hillel staff.

Since your Daddy's cummies are not technically meat or cheese, they will be served on both sides of the dining room, as a sauce on chicken wraps, a topping for pizza, a mix-in for the mac and cheese, and as a replacement for all of the drinks. Say goodbye to Brisk Raspberry Iced Tea. You're drinking Daddy's cummies tonight. Bottoms up!

You're going to slurp and gobble and gargle your Daddy's cummies until you cant slurp anymore down your throat, and those Lil cummies dribble out of the corners of your mouth, and you're gonna like it, you little disgusting gargling slut. Gargle slurp gorgle slarp slap slorp gobble dribble lap splash guzzle slug swig spew squirt cum cum cum cum cum. 

Because it's kosher now, Daddy!