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Penn Glee Club Integrates With Penn Sirens, Dhamaka, TEP, Penn Polish Club, the Netter Center, Gregory College House, Locust Protesters, Penn Catholic Newman Community, Allied Universal Workers, Linguistics Majors, and Your Mom


After 159 years of remaining an all-male performing group, the Penn Glee Club made history this year by finally integrating women and dancers and the frat brothers that sell you weed and Poles and do-gooders and freshmen that got fucked over in housing selection and God-fearers and more God-fearers and the people that are most likely to have weapons on campus and soon-to-be unemployed students and fat skanks into their historically TTBB choir. 

This decision comes after years of deliberation and internal struggle. Many alumni argued that the club did not have the capacity or resources to expand from their 40 person roster to one upwards of 3000, but according to the past President of the Penn Glee Club, recent Wharton graduate, JJ Johnson, integrating the groups has been easy. “There’s a place for everyone, and everyone has a place,” he said, “rehearsals usually take 10 hours per day because there are so many people, but that’s half the length of one of our shows from before the integration, so most people don’t mind. The hardest part of rehearsals has been choreographing your mom because she’s too fat to dance”.

Johnson says that if this change goes well, Glee Club is considering merging with even more groups, such as WQHS radio, everyone living West of 40th street, the dog that lives in the Pike house, Vice Provost Wendell Pritchett, that one rude hostess at Louie Louie, the construction workers at New College House West, and your gay friend you took to your sorority formal your freshman year because your boyfriend was at a club soccer game.

Amy Gutmann, President of the University of Pennsylvania, commented, “The Penn Glee Club is historically a dweeb-only group, so it is fantastic to see them welcoming new and diverse groups into their public circle-jerks.”

We also reached out to your mom to comment, but she was too ugly and stupid to respond promptly.