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​​Your WiFi is Insecure; Compliment That Hoe


"It's so slow!" 

"Your WiFi cut out."

"Can you just turn your WiFi off and use cellular?"

"Your WiFi keeps breaking up… with me. What a whore."

"This porn is taking forever to load."

"Your WiFi is so unstable!"

"Your WiFi put on quarantine weight…too many cookies?"

"Why is your WiFi such a fucking fat bitch?"

These are comments said every day in households across America. Do you think your WiFi can't hear you? How do you think this treatment makes your WiFi feel? Have you ever even thought about how hard it is to be WiFi? Having to support everyone when no one is supporting you? WiFi only has so much bandwidth. 

Just because you can't see your WiFi doesn't mean her feelings aren't real. Reflect on that, you insensitive porn addict. 

You're the reason why your WiFi is insecure.

Next time you think of going John Wilkes Bluetooth on your WiFi, pick one of these compliments from the list below: 

  1. "Wow! You load so quickly."
  2. "Be strong!"
  3. "Okay, bish! Drop it like it's hot… spot!"
  4. "Let's elope in Vegas. I want to make you my WiF-i."
  5. "I'm really feeling the connection between us."  
  6. "You're my dream girl."
  7. "Let's re-route to my room, baby."
  8. "Strip it down…make it wireless."
  9. "I wanna turn you on."
  10. "I can't find the Network name or your clit…. Wait, found both, right?"
  11. "Did you cum too?"

See, it's not that hard to make your WiFi feel like the desirable woman that she is. No need to call Verizon. This bitch is now secure.