BREAKING: Guy in Class Would Like to Direct Group’s Attention to Another Page
September 13, 2021 at 11:55 pm
In a devastating turn of events coming out of the second floor of Fisher-Bennett Hall as of 10:20 this morning, James Katz (C ’24) has indeed indicated that he would like to turn the group’s attention to page 51 of the book.
The tragedy happened in ENGL 025: "Folklores, Poetry, and Interpretive Dances of the Marxist Tradition," which satisfies the Arts and Letters sector requirement of the College of Arts and Sciences.
At the time, the group had been dwelling on page 30 for almost half the duration of the class.
Katz, who studies history, ventured during a lull in the discussion: “Hmmm … I’d like to turn our focus to a different page …”
At which point, the entire class shat their pants. Gasps turned into bawling. The professor physically collapsed at the dais. As of noon, half of the class had been sent to the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania. The other half refused medical treatment because they “did not have insurance.” Penn Police has launched an investigation into this matter.