Gift With Purchase: The Kombucha in Acme is Free if You Want it to be

Ok, fuck yes! Following in the footsteps of ARCH and CVS, Acme has instituted a new Gift With Purchase policy where you can literally walk out of the store with your pick of the kombucha crop as a little present for shopping there. You and your little friends can have any bubbly fermented tea beverage, for free, as you peruse the aisles and shop for your little snacks. Heck– take two! They're yours for the taking, babe. While you're at it, take some gum! And some nacho Doritos! Really, have fun with it. Being a college student is hard (aww) and grocery shopping can be so stressful. And Acme understands our plight! When you get to the checkout line, you really only have to pay for one out of every ten or eleven items you plan on leaving with. Just shove it in your tote and walk right out. You deserve it— you had a really long day after all.