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BREAKING: Your Dad Outed You to Your Grandparents Because ”You Were Taking Too Long"


Photo by Jackson Parli

Rise and shine cocksucker! Yep, you heard me right, that’s what you are, especially to your dear old grandmama and grandpapa. Your dad got tired of waiting, and told your grandparents that you’re gay. Honestly, it's better this way. If you had told them yourself, that would've been weird. Can you imagine what they would've said? Stuff like, "We love you no matter what" or "you're still our grandson". Ew. Thank God he saved you the trouble.

That’s right, the ones that slipped $5 in your birthday card, cleaned your diaper, and played catch with you while your dad was at work? Well, now they know that sometimes, men put their penises inside of your butt. Or maybe it’s not the butt, but probably at least the mouth. Either way, other men’s penises are definitely involved. That’s probably what your grandparents will think about when they first see you this Thanksgiving. And, once they’re firmly able to put it out of their minds, they’ll be reminded as soon as they see the turkey being basted. Cool!

To make matters worse, he told them by custom bitmoji (pictured below).