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Girl Who is Down for Anything Convicted of Murder


In a shocking turn of events, the resident cool, chill girl on campus, otherwise known Carey Smith (C’22), has been convicted of first-degree murder.

Smith maintains that she is unable to recall the actual details of the murder, stating “I don’t know. One minute, I was just down to rally for the Zete late night, the next minute I was in the midst of executing a planned muder. I don’t really know what happened, I was just along for the ride, you know?”

Smith’s lawyer is attempting to appeal the conviction under Pennsylvania’s “Just a Girl” Law, which absolves women of certain crimes on the basis of them just being dumb girls. The caveat of that law is that it would place Smith under the care of a male presence in her life, as God intended.

When asked for a comment, Smith stated, “Yeah, honestly, I am just down for whatever. I think it would suck if I went to jail, but honestly whatever works!”