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Ashna Yakoob


Girl Who Bikes Wants You to Know She Bikes

If I am being honest, I would rather eat nails and shit them out one by one than walk.

Girl Who is Down for Anything Convicted of Murder

One minute, I was just down to rally for the Zete late night, the next minute I was in the midst of executing a planned murder.

Facing Pressure from Divestment Activists, Penn Unveils Second Climate Week

It's no divesting from fossil fuels, but it's a pretty close second.

Op-Ed: &pizza is a Male-Dominated Space

Enough is enough. I think it’s finally time to address the gender relations within the setting society refers to as “&pizza.” 

Breaking: Gutmann Sets Sights on Gentrifying Germany Next

After a successful reign of terror on the West Philadelphia community, Amy Gutmann is now expected to become the next ambassador to Germany under Biden’s America.

Penn Sophomore Experience: Tied Up at the Bottom of NCH West, Eating Dog Shit

But at the end of the day, it’s an experience like no other, meant to bring you closer to your classmates. That is, if they are able to survive...

Girl Who Hates Her Birthday Makes Big Deal About Birthday

I am a cool, chill girl who just doesn’t care about my birthday.

How To Tell Your White Friends Their Smelly Asses Need a Bidet

You think sheets of paper are gonna rectify the damage of your blowing asshole?