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Oh You Can’t Name Five Brothers? Take a Lap


Photo by Creative Commons / CC0

 Hey man! So glad you could make it out to the Chouse tonight. Yeah, me and the boys just finished playing some pong out back. Did you guys pre? Okay good. I crushed some Natty Lights earlier, no big deal. It’s going to be a rowdy night since our frat is obviously doing some sort of tropically themed party even though it’s almost wintertime!

I see you brought some friends with you! Oh. Wait a second. Are there…more guys than girls with you? Dude, you totally fucked up the ratio. It has to be 50/50 at least. If anything there should be more girls with you, bro. Yeah, the frat isn’t going to let that fly. 

Yeah, I’m sorry man, I can’t let all of you guys in unless you know other brothers in the house. I don’t make the rules! Well…actually…I kind of do.

Oh, one of your friends went to high school with a brother? What’s his name? 

That was just a lucky guess, it’s such a generic name man, you gotta do better. 

What’s his last name? 

No, I still don’t believe you, also a super generic last name. You’re just a lucky guesser. 

What’s his social security number and his mother’s maiden name? 

You don’t know? So you’re just lying to me right now? Are you fucking kidding me?

That’s what I thought. You guys were just trying to get into the house. Sorry man, but maybe you and your little group of freshmen should take a lap around the block or something. Yeah, we can’t have huge crowds outside, it might attract attention even though this street is completely empty and only has other frat houses on it. Yeah, maybe you guys can go get Allegro’s or something and then come back, because I’m not letting you in right now.

What’s that? Why did I let that massive group of people inside? Dude, it’s obviously because they have the super special exclusive wristbands that were made only for this specific party even though they look like they can be purchased from any existing Party City. 

What do you mean you have a wristband? Oh, you actually have one. Well, sorry man I actually *just* got told that we aren’t really using the wristbands to bypass the line anymore. 

Yeah, that really blows for you guys. Go take a lap! Maybe I’ll let you in later...I probably won’t.