Important Announcement From Amy Gutmann: This Is an Important Announcement From Amy Gutmann

From: Amy Gutmann <president@upenn.edu>

To: ALL-UNDERGRADS-EMAIL

A Message to the Penn Community

Regarding Important Announcements from Amy Gutmann

from 

Amy Gutmann, President

Hi again bitches, yeah it’s me

Look I don’t have much to say today just thought to update you all on how my life’s going. It’s going pretty well. 

Big Joe, or BJ as the ‘mbassadors call him, gave us a quick ring this week just to check what’s up with the funding from China because we don’t wanna seem shifty or anything. But yeah I just told him what I always do, that I was well and so was Penn’s bank account! Haha funny

But yeah here’s my important message for you all: what’s up with razors? They’re so wild. Like on the one hand they can make you look smooth and brand new, but on the other they’re literally little knives. And even though people are going out less at the moment due to rona, they’re in record sales. Crazy times we live in.

I think that’s all I can think of from my lil’ old futon at 2am but its ok i’ll shoot another quick message when I get some thinspo. 

Now i think about it liposuction is pretty cray cray. Who doesn't love to suckety suck the muck up. But i don’t wanna overwhelm y’all with too much in one week. Not after I announced other amy is staying

This message has been authorized by Amy, Gutmann and company.