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REPORT: Introverted Boys Twice as Likely to Mutter "Yeah, Wanna Push Me Around, Huh" to Self While Showering


Photo by Yves Hanoulle / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Science win! A new study found that shy, introverted boys at the University of Pennsylvania are twice as likely to mumble “yeah, wanna push me around, huh” to themselves while in the shower.

“They’re nice boys, but they’re just in their heads a little too much,” Penn researcher Jamie Salazie said with a nod.

In addition to venting general frustrations, researchers also heard the boys quietly mumble “don’t fucking double-cross me” and “shut up. God, just shut up” at seemingly random times while they cleaned themselves.

“They’re not talking to anyone in particular,” Salazie noted. “They’re kinda just saying stuff out loud.”

To better understand the psychology of these fascinating individuals, researchers secretly followed a couple of the mild-mannered men as they went about their daily lives. A couple of them were spotted speed walking along Locust, only stopping to make scary faces at squirrels and birds when no one was watching. During lecture, many of the boys sat alone, gritting their teeth whenever the professor would ask a question but never actually venturing an answer or sharing their thoughts. At night time, the self-effacing boys were spotted wandering around city blocks aimlessly, listening to Radiohead in an attempt to “find themselves.”

Although they have already accrued an impressive amount of data, researchers are looking to extend the study in the future.

“We set up a movie projector to play Charlie Kaufman movies on repeat, so hopefully we’ll get some new participants soon,” Salazie boasted. “If that doesn’t work, then we’ll bust out the free Steam Wallet funds.”