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Aww: Blondes Argue With Other Blondes About Diversity


Photo by Oscar Eichmann

Ugh, this is not sliving, Becky!

Last week, approximately two minutes after Shabbat, chaos took hold of Penn’s branch of Kappa Kappa Kappa Sorority LTD. Cindy Anderson (C’ 23) spilled some serious, like real, goss to UTB, and we all were totally not prepared. 

So, like, first, one of the Kappa babies sent a little note to the exec board about inclusivity and all that good stuff. And everyone was just like ummmm yes slay mama, we just had our annual D&P seminar presented by TriKap alum Beth White (C’ 19) who graduated with a women’s studies degree and is now like creating inclusive places for all women just like us all across the country. She’s doing, like, so well for herself, in the South. Ugh, they just live for her there. It’s so giving. 

But then like evvvvverything went totally bananas bonkers. This little rushie comes from like, California, and her parents were like, further East but not like Hawai’i, cos the gals all went there for Spring Rush Break that one year and came back so tanned because of this sexy skin oil some guys with dreadlocks gave us, but the people on that big island looked NOTHING like this girl, so not entirely sure what was up with that, but yeah anyway. So like she said that there was some problem with our bid process and we were all just, fully agape. Jaw was all the way dropped. No comprende. 

I, or like we, were all so shook. I asked my gay Latinx friend Alejandro from New York what he thought about our policy and he was such the best GBF I could ask for – he fully agreed with the exec girlies, which meant we had multiple minorities in agreement on this one. Diversity, and equity, and a democratic voice, ugh! 

So I didn’t get it … this girl said that us picking PC representatives from the same random (South Carolina) home state each year was causing systemic problems but she doesn’t even know that we all took diversity training super seriously because we know so many people in our mixers from like ALL over the country. 

And from then on, all the girls with Dads in politics suddenly had something to say about it! The sisterhood was at stake, I like cried out, please can we put this little tiff aside! Kisters, come together. Pimps and Hoes date night is only three days away, ugh!

In the end, we managed to calm the situation doing what we Kappa Gals know best, a group powwow. We did our yogi chant, praised Jesus a couple times, and remembered what united us in the first place: our radiant, like, internal beauty. 

Because once a TriKap, there ain’t no cap.