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How To Dry Your Socks In Class Without Anyone Noticing


Photo courtesy of Dea Rrozhani

Now that the seasons have changed and your socks are wet because of the weather, not because of your own sweat and tears, you may be wondering how you can dry your soppy socks after a dreadful trundle down Locust Walk. 

One of the biggest reasons why you need to dry your socks immediately is because you don't want your socks to squish and sound like you are farting as you walk around. Another decent reason is that you don’t want to contract trench foot. It’s 2022, not 1917. 

  1. Don’t go to class.
  2. As you are walking down Locust, don’t wear socks. Or shoes. When you get to your destination, paddle your slimy feet to the bathroom, wipe them off with paper towels, and put on the dry socks and shoes you have hidden behind the toilet. 
  3. If the Amish can roll their laundry dry, so can you. Take off your socks and use your water bottle to roll out all the water. And after you are done, you can put the water in your water bottle and drink it. Now, that’s being green. 
  4. Dry out your socks and feet with your emergency hair dryer you keep in your backpack at all times. The soothing hum of the hair dryer will also be greatly appreciated by your classmates, as it will complement the no-so-soothing hum of the professor. 
  5. Find a nice pressure vessel somewhere. Now stick your foot with the wet sock in it. Now suck out all the air in the vessel so that there is a vacuum in the vessel. The water will now evaporate much quicker because the vapor pressure to induce boiling is lower in a vacuum. The water on your socks will boil off in no time. 
  6. Pour liquid nitrogen onto your feet. Your feet are no longer wet, since they are now solid.
  7.  Your tasty seaweed snack comes with a desiccant in it. Yes, the forbidden little packet. Open up the packet, and pour the cute little balls into your shoes. Before you know it, they'll expand and soak up all the water. Now you have boba you can put into your afternoon tea as well.