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Happy Thanksgiving! My Friend Told Me I Have the Facial Structure of Goody Proctor

Jennie Augusta Brownscombe/Fine Art America/Anna O'Neill-Dietel

It started with an innocent conversation. We were chatting about old-timey paintings. You know, how people just looked like they were from the 1600s back then. 

“You just don’t see people these days and think, they look like they’re out of a Vermeer,” I said, attempting to sound philosophical. My friend nodded, then paused.

“Actually Anna, you kinda have an old-timey face. Like a Mayflower-Goody Proctor type,” she said.

Girl what? Not only are you getting a Crucible character mixed up with the wrong New England Puritan settlement, but you are saying I look like a pilgrim? That’s a loaded comment. They did some really messed up stuff. 

“I think it’s your nose, maybe your chin. It's like someone overlayed every white girls' face. At the same time, I could see you with a mop cap and buckle shoes,” my friend mused. 

Let’s stop the conversation here. Tell me I look like Girl With Pearl Earring any day, but a pilgrim? That is no compliment.