Shalom! UTB Now Hosting Conversion to Islam At The Daily Pennsylvanian Office
February 13, 2023 at 10:40 pm
Come one come all, the most anticipated event of this academic school year is here at last. Now, any individuals –regardless of Semitic origin – are offered a FREE chance to convert to the holiest of religions: Islam. Yup, heard that right, for absolutely zero cost and with the swipe of your Penn card, you can now simply enter the Daily Pennsylvanian’s office and be met with firm believers of Avraham Avinu (אברהם אבינו) and his wife (I don’t remember her name whatever let's move on).
The Daily Pennsylvanian’s very own UTB conducted bouts of investigative journalism and found that Muslim students do not make up a large majority on Penn’s campus (sad face) and therefore will now aim to improve this measure. Basically, upon entrance to the Daily Pennsylvanian office (on 40th street, the building that looks really out of place) go upstairs to the second floor and turn left (I think… sorry I get lost often) and you shall be confronted with a tiny room. Inside said tiny room, on a lonesome desk, you shall find the words “أشهد أن لا إله إلا الله” –no translation provided nor necessary.
Read it. And welcome.