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Okay, Downgrade: Harrison Pipe Burst Refugees Flee to Philadelphia Four Seasons

Photo (with edits) by Carey Salvin

Sometimes, accidents happen. You leave a window open, a pipe bursts, and a few dozen students are made homeless. Oh well. Happens to the best of us. Flood, shmlood. 

What really irks me about this whole flood situation is that those poor souls were relocated to the most foul, disgusting, and utterly inhumane of places: The Philadelphia Four Seasons. Talk about inhospitable. Forced to sleep on luxury mattresses with 1,000,000 thread count Organic Egyptian cotton sheets. Room service. High speed elevator. Those curtains you can control with a remote like it’s the future or something. 

Wait…lowkey though… This sounds kinda good. Like, I get this place has money, but all these amenities seem to add up. How much could a room cost… 20, maybe 30 dollars? Not my place to say. Yeah, they’re like climate refugees now, but how could they afford to send them to the literal Four Seasons? OHHHHHH ITS THE SHERATON MY BAD THIS ONE’S ON ME FAKE NEWS OOPS