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“Sometimes, A Drink Feels Like Family” & Other Non-Concerning Statements to Help You During Rush

(Edited) Design by Felicity Yick / The Daily Pennsylvanian

The truth behind rushing is that it’s not a personal experience meant to introduce the current members to your sorry soul. It’s actually a lot like consulting recruiting! Everyone wants to see you regurgitate some menial information regarding them to ensure your commitment to the upcoming dues that will surprise-bleed your pockets. However, dear loser (note to editor: change this to reader), we have provided a jargon et. al list that is sure to ease your rushing experience. After all, there’s nothing better than easy admissions – ask the test-optional kids!

  1. “Sometimes, a drink feels like family.” will clearly convey your dedication to the illicit actions of those around you. There is quite literally nothing more boring than someone who won’t share a glass or two or three of beautiful substances with those around them!
  2. “I had a reservation at Zahav for my family, but we should totally go before Saturday late night!” and you best say this one with enthusiasm. Like whyyyy would anyone care about your family when you’re about to be introduced to a new one? Like, duh. Don’t worry about paying for this one alone though, this is what pooling resources is all about. Of course, to show your true dedication, it is only sensible that every invitee pays 1% of the total and for you to cover the rest. Don’t be frugal!
  3. “Let’s pregame the gala together.” Honestly, I don’t know if the freshman gala still happens but, assuming it does, be sure to say this statement to the coolest, realest, sexiest, most faux-endearing people that are rushing alongside you; be precarious, for this must be said within earshot of one of the brothers in a cool and collected manner. You don’t want them to know you’ve read this guide and have an upperhand in the proces.
  4. “I am seeking unconditional love and brotherhood. I will not make mistakes. I will make this commitment now. I am a true believer.” and don’t think this one through too much! It is not good to doubt. Do not trust the other rushees who don’t get it, only follow those who see the light. You’ve got this.

You are ready to go into the fray. Good luck. Never think too much. Never complain about the lack of sleep. Have fun! :)