Consider the Glass Ceiling Broken: Sororities and Fraternities To Seek Pledges With Higher Body Counts
October 10, 2023 at 1:07 pm
It’s safe to say that sororities and fraternities aren’t beacons of acceptance. It goes beyond not taking everyone who applies and extends to discrimination. I cried a river when I found out. But it’s a problem that the social justice warriors of the University of Pennsylvania Intercultural Greek Council take seriously. Thank god.
Recently at a special session that the council cleverly called “Frat Tuesday” after Mardis Gras (or Fat Tuesday in case you’re uncultured), the brothers, sisters, and siblings sought to address the low BMIs and high protein powder intakes of their members. You can guess which problem each house is afflicted with. In record speed, they decided that in a move towards increased body positivity, going forward, students with higher body counts would be advantaged in the pledge process. This has never been done before and will change everything.
We interviewed frat brothers, sorority sisters, and nobodies to get a girthy range of opinion on the matter.
Here’s Trevor Johnson of Theos (C ’23, LPS ’25), “This is a great move by the libs on council. I thought that all they did was force us to learn what consent is – joke’s on them, I still don’t know what it is – but now I know they look out for people like me. I believe that Sig Nu didn’t let me in after my hoes and I couldn’t fit through the door. They could have just opened the double doors? Now I know that students like me will get a much deserved leg up in the future. Right on.”
We spoke to Melanie Pastor (W’24) of an unspecified off campus sorority (or society as she prefers) who had less positive feelings than Johnson. “We reserve the right to reject anyone of any creed, class, race, gender, income bracket, immigration status, financial aid status, zip code, prep school background, and coding expertise for compelling reasons. This is a violation of our autonomy. I’d prefer not to increase the prevalence of STDs in our house, but maybe that’s just me. I’ll try my best to find women who have been around the block. It won’t be my problem when I move back to Connecticut. Thank god.”
Finally, we spoke with a nobody, Christopher Yates (C’26). “I’m kind of meh on this change. I only heard about it after my friends in my Fake ID group chat sent around a document about it. A lot of them are really worried that this will harm their chances of getting into a business fraternity, because as they say, they’re ‘married to the grind.’ Basically, they get no bitches. I thought about it a bit. Sometimes I’ll be standing in the shower and I’ll just think about it a little bit. I think it’s an okay change. I don’t know if I would’ve rushed before, but I am considering it now. So yeah, you could say this might be a good change for me. I’ve been trying to remember the number of online chatbots I’ve talked to and I think it’s somewhere in the thousands. So I think I should have a good shot. Maybe with Sig Ep? I’ll just see how the wind blows. Everything blows.”
Sentiments are mixed right now but the results of this diversity recruitment initiative have yet to come to fruition. We’ll see how the classes shape out soon.