Oh Herr Engels, Herr Marx, Chairman, Uncle Ho. I thank thee for my great fortuna. Margaret from Ohio does indeed support labor. 

Each time I see the oh so not recognizable Amalfi Coast, a discreet half image of Big Ben, or the completely unfamiliar Sydney Opera House, my mind fills with textbook figures of gouty white men in uniforms stepping out of armed ships and [ACTION REQUIRED] emails. 

The people manning the booths were completely unfashionable and some clubs – see MERT – even prided themselves on NOT being drinking clubs.

Turns out they were a group order of fakes in their own right. 

He’s just a man to me. I always wondered why I looked Wasian despite having a white dad. Well now I know, this fool failed the test.

Wax may be a public pariah but this part of her identity remains pubic. 

I used to go to class and the stupid whores with Dior bags would scrunch their nose jobs and say, “It smells like greasy meat and gasoline in here.” Well girls, it didn’t just smell like it, you were smelling it!

Her children are homeschooled so that they don’t deprive other students a spot at Germantown Friends. Her husband teaches them, because he’s her bitch. She killed her dad to smash the patriarchy. 

She calls me gringo and I call her Mi Amor.

I return having smoked a cigarette and eaten a Quest Bar. Dear Sir, your writing was great!

Champagne and shackles is yet another example of the blatant insensitivity of Penn students towards marginalized communities. Express your support for these communities by donating to my GoFundMe bail fund or the Innocence Project. 

SAE was even rumored to throw late nights and events, how festive! Students even called SAE "dank," as a California girl who loves to hit the blunt, I was sold.

In fact, they are proud to accept fat people! Sorority bids are entirely based on controllable traits, such as wealth, clothes, and acne.

The answer is shocking.

My bosom could now be mounted without my face being a massive turnoff. Masks were the new protection; I’ll take paper over latex any day. 

Here's a valid excuse for missing class: a warning to the insensitive fools who skip class for a death in the family.

Can we normalize dressing badly? It's not just a hazing thing. For some of us, it's a lifestyle.

You're not you when your bladder's about to burst! Go buy a diaper :)