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Justine Orgel


Articles

Hello, I Am Applying to Your DEI Committee as a White Person Who Calls My Asian Girlfriend Mi Amor

She calls me gringo and I call her Mi Amor.


Sorry I Said Your Writing Was Horrendous, Worthless, Asinine, and Elementary, I Was Just Hungry

I return having smoked a cigarette and eaten a Quest Bar. Dear Sir, your writing was great!


Champagne This, Shackles That, Who’s Going To Bail Me Out for Public Indecency?

Champagne and shackles is yet another example of the blatant insensitivity of Penn students towards marginalized communities. Express your support for these communities by donating to my GoFundMe bail fund or the Innocence Project. 


What?! Sigma Alpha Epsilon Not Actually Delicious Smoothie Bowl?

SAE was even rumored to throw late nights and events, how festive! Students even called SAE "dank," as a California girl who loves to hit the blunt, I was sold.


OP-ED: Twin-XL Beds Perpetuate Unhealthy Barbie-Like Beauty Standards

In fact, they are proud to accept fat people! Sorority bids are entirely based on controllable traits, such as wealth, clothes, and acne.




Reverse Cowgirl and 9 Other Workarounds to Mask-Fishing

My bosom could now be mounted without my face being a massive turnoff. Masks were the new protection; I’ll take paper over latex any day. 


Sorry I Was Late to Class Professor, My Service Rabbit Laid an Egg and Hatched Babies in My Room

Here's a valid excuse for missing class: a warning to the insensitive fools who skip class for a death in the family.


OP-ED: I’m Not Being Hazed I Just Have a Bad Sense of Style

Can we normalize dressing badly? It's not just a hazing thing. For some of us, it's a lifestyle.



Never Panic Again! Students Invest in Diapers Instead of Locating PennCard

You're not you when your bladder's about to burst! Go buy a diaper :)


Feeling Generous This V-Day Season? Consider Purchasing Roses to Help Local Sorority Sisters Go to Vegas

Anything helps and it only takes a second of your time. Be charitable this holiday season and change a young girl's life. 


Observant Instagram User Realizes Friend Group Has Hung Out After Seeing Twenty Reposts of Same Story

Secret hangout uncovered!! Who would have thought? 


Breaking the Penn Face: Yeah I Wanna Punch You

Because if I'm not happy, nobody should be. 


Hidden Heroes: The Eight Against Hate

Athletes don't get enough thanks. Let's change that. It's time to listen to minority voices and uplift our stoic heroes. 


Feminist of the Week! Frat Brother Pours Me Water Instead of Spiking My Drink

Meet the man who is single-handedly reversing gender roles and saving damsels in distress.


Fashion King! Man Sets Trend Wearing Sweatpants and Sweatshirt Everyday

Open your eyes to the young faces of the future of fashion


How to Promote the Gay Agenda as Someone who Hates Coffee and Doesn’t have Money

The time to end iced chai is now. Follow these tips so you're never caught drinking a gay, sissy drink again.


Laundry Tips for Students Who Are Used to Having Housekeepers

How to make dirty money FAST. 


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