Sophomore Who Double Paid For On-Campus Dorm and Chestnut Apartment Still Really Passionate About UC Townhomes Crisis

 Stating they simply can’t bring themselves to live in an on-campus apartment, Sophomore Gabby Davis is still very passionate about the housing crisis in the UC Townhomes. “It’s just crazy how limited available housing is these days,” Davis said as she walked from her Chestnut apartment living room, past the guest bedroom, and into her master bedroom. “Greed and capitalism have taken over our empathy.”

Davis’s high-rise roommates, both of whom double pay to live in their chapter houses share a similar sentiment. “Kant said ‘the waste of money is not the byproduct but the nexus of our immoral era,”* said Franky Imperetti between cigarette pulls. “The minute we start taking housing for granted is the minute we lose our humanity.” 

At press time, Davis and her roommates forgot their PAC codes multiple times as they entered their fully-furnished apartment in Harnwell. “I mean, who could ever live here?” she remarked.

*Our reports note Kant has never said this.