Liaisons to House Representative Nancy Pelosi reportedly were briefing the President on his previous decision to drop out of the race, using visual guides and a screening of Adam Sandler’s 50 First Dates to underscore their message.
“I’m divesting you from the lake house, Rachel” said one Bubbe.
“He was very accustomed to craft services,” says one source, “He really was disappointed at the lack of craft services. You’d think for an Ivy League school we’d have craft services – at least for the students who really matter.”
By seeing Biopond now, students can at least pretend to remember what it looks like when they get MERTed there later.
She’s totally in love. He briefly stopped snapping other girls out of respect. Who said true love can’t thrive at Penn?!?
You’re an older freshman and everything seems perfect: you just matched with a girl on Tinder, you both have your ages listed at 19 or 20, everything is in order. Then she hits you with a dreaded question: “What year are you?”
Penn will also extend special status to applicants whose parents were avid coke users throughout their time at Penn.
The staffer's phone is filled with videos of minors singing karaoke, dancing, passing resolutions, pretending to give birth, and other various acts the children's parents remain unaware of.
I shudder every time I walk past.
We get it, you went to KitKatClub last night. Whatever. You can literally do that in Philadelphia too. It’s called TLO.
When questioned for comment, the brothers only had good things to report about the now-international Trillo. “It’s just nice to be with some of your own,” responded a Castle brother from the Philadelphia Main Line.
Usually, you’d say “Sorry, I don’t have any cash on me.” Can’t pull that shit now!
Come on bro. No way you can tell me you’re proud of that stream.
“It’s just crazy how limited available housing is these days,” Davis said as she walked from her Chestnut apartment living room, past the guest bedroom, and into her master bedroom.
We cry out and Penn Dining responds: "We hear you!"
They literally don’t belong here.
Some engineering students have spoken to Under the Button reporters directly to comment on their nymphomania. However, we could not understand them due to their poor social cues. It really is a mystery how they’re getting some.
Woah, slow down chief. Who does this guy think he is?!