What I’m Going to Do for Epilepsy Awareness Month

Did you think I was gonna say something funny? There’s nothing funny about Epilepsy Awareness Month. You probably thought I was gonna say something like I’m going to bike around campus with a huge tv attached to my bicycle displaying flashing lights. But I don’t want to get in trouble. And there’s nothing funny about epilepsy. 

You probably thought I was gonna say something like I’m going to run around with a bunch of flashlights looking for people with epilepsy and then scream and shine all my flashlights in their face, then tickle them a little bit and pluck their toenails. I’m disappointed in you for thinking that. I wouldn’t do something like that, and I don’t know anybody who would. 

Not during Epilepsy Awareness Month. I won’t have people saying things like that during Epilepsy Awareness Month. Instead, there are other, funnier brain diseases. Does anyone have a grandmother with Alzheimer's? Might your mother have brain cancer? Let’s laugh. Let’s share joy and laugh. This boy’s mother has brain cancer. Come, let’s share joy and laugh. 

And share love with the epileptics. Yes, share love with them because they need it. Their brains are bad or something and they need your love. Here’s what they don’t need: me employing an entourage of clowns and giving them all strobe lights and then all of us surrounding the first epileptic person we find and running around in a circle and yelling “BAD BRAIN BAD BRAIN BAD BRAIN” and then pushing them to the ground, and shaving their leg hair throwing it up in the air like confetti and smacking their ass a couple times and then running away to find another epileptic person. It wouldn’t be cool. 

Does anyone know what epilepsy is?