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Let’s Make One Thing Clear: Girls Like Bad Boys, And Bad Boys Break the Campus Compact


Photo by Julia Ellis

It’s a tale as old as time, girls hate the nice guy and fuck the bad boy. The nice guy sits at home with his little “pod,” trying to protect his grandmother and people he doesn’t even know? The nice guy cares about the community and others, and is a lame-ass little bitch. What girls want is big parties and casual hook up sessions, not Zoom dates with the Green Pass guy. Do you want to get drunk alone and have phone sex over Zoom? I don’t think so. Girls want the baddie with the Red Pass because let’s face it, red is known for being the most seductive color anyway. Do they have loss of appetite and a new rash on their toes or fingers? Frankly, that’s none of your business anyway.

Red pass bad boys live on the wild side and girls can’t control themselves around them. All they talk about in their group chats are the frat boys on disciplinary probation for breaking Campus Compact. And when one gets sent home for the semester? It becomes like a forbidden love story, full of longing that quickly turns into lust. 

If you’re having trouble getting girls, we at UTB guarantee if you skip your Covid tests for a week you will have all the girls wrapped around your finger.