GBM GONE WRONG: Club President Dropping Bag of SHS Condoms on Table, “No One Leaves Until These Are Finished!”
November 16, 2023 at 3:11 pm
We don't really have a sense of what happens to a person when they come into the presidency of one of Penn's dummy exclusive clubs. Be it by force, election, or nepotism- assuming the role of president in a club that has a lower acceptance rate than the hardest of the schools at our dear university, pulls a garish determination out of a person. Harnessing this power has caused students to do many obscene things, however most of the time these presidents are sane.
Not mine though.
This past week me and my fellow general board members were sitting by a table, laughing about an upcoming BYO and some possible merch ideas. Suddenly, the club president materialized. We were commanded by a wave of awe so potent that it flew across the room in silence. In walked our president: "No one is leaving until these are Finished!" dropping a bag of condoms from Student Health Services on the table.
Asking a room of Penn students to use an entire bag of condoms implies that a) they practice safe sex and b) they have sex in the first place. These are gaping assumptions that reflect stark lifestyle separations from our student leaders, and our engaged student body.
Clearly, this is a call to action. The entire club turned and looked at one another. We knew what must happen.
My president is bold, risky, and tapped in. I know she has what it takes. She embodies everything Penn looks for in administrative leaders. She deserves a chance higher up in the rankings. I’m not super sure of a lot, but if Penn is looking for a new president give them my number because I know a girl.