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Sheesh: This Homeless Man Just Told You He’ll Also Take Venmo


Photo from Unsplash

Sheesh – you’re really in a pickle now! This homeless man just came up to you and said he’ll also take Venmo. What are you gonna do now? Usually, you’d say “Sorry, I don’t have any cash on me.” Can’t pull that shit now!

He really caught you in a vulnerable spot too. You were mid-scanning the University City Gyro QR code by the halal carts on Spruce. Now you have no idea what to do. He obviously saw you using Venmo to get your chicken/lamb combo over rice – you could easily send him a few bucks.

But, like, do you have to? Like, are you really that bad of a person if you don’t want to? It’s not like you didn’t raise $5,000 to provide soccer equipment for kids in Cuba for your Bar/Bat Mitzvah project 6 years ago. That charity has at least a couple more years in it until it expires. You’re a good person. You literally limited your Shein online shopping frequency to just 2x a week to save the environment. You’re a hero! Maybe if you tell this homeless guy you’re just not in the mood today he’ll understand. 

But damn. Can you really do that? Probably not. It seems as though the only thing left to do is to just lie. 

“Sorry, I don’t even have Venmo,” you say.

Fuck. He also takes Zelle.