You’re Kidding Me! Junior Didn’t Get a Summer Job by Guilting a CEO He Found on MyPenn.

After taking (some) of the advice from the peer resume reviewer at Career Services, college junior Dylan Muldowny decided to email every CEO he could find on MyPenn and ask for an informational interview. 

The twenty year old PPE major explained “Eh, I figured I’d talk to them for like an hour and see if I got a job.” Dylan reportedly conducted informational interviews with 80 different industry leaders over winter break, but couldn’t seem to sway any of them.  

“I honestly have no idea how this kid got through to my assistant, or why he wanted to talk to me," Aaron Richard, the CEO of the multinational pharmaceutical company, told Under the Button. “He had no connection to my company, not even close. I think he said he was a pee pee major, do you know what that is?” 

Another industry leader, Pamela Murphy, was equally dismayed after talking to Dylan. “It kinda felt like he was wasting both of our afternoons,” says Murphy, the CFO of an electric vehicle start-up. “He kept on bringing up how we were in the same acapella group at Penn and how great that was. That was the only thing we had in common. He definitely wanted a job, but he has no transferable skills. He really wanted me to know that he knows ‘a little’ Python, which we don’t even use.”

Dylan told Under the Button that he is widening his search beyond emailing random people on MyPenn. Yesterday, Dylan sent the update that he had a promising interview with a new consulting start up. We reached out to the new company’s public relations representative for comment.

“We’re really looking for passionate kids coming out of college with a very specific skill set,” explained the company’s PR representative. “You know, the best and the brightest, young people who can do things like spend an hour plus on Zoom talking about nothing, and count it as billable hours. Dylan is a shoo-in”