Trump-mann Tweet of the Day
(02/23/17 9:32pm)
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With our friends at 34th Street cutting the Round Up, you might be worried about where your dish is going to come from, but don't fret because we here at Under The Button Dot Com have all the left-overs you could ever want. Here's introducing The Round Down, everyone's new favorite feature that'll keep you in the loop about all the dirty laundry at Penn that nobody ever airs out. (No seriously, Tim, your mattress smells really bad. You need to change your sheets at least bi-monthly. Please do your laundry.)
If you're a politics person (i.e. the one that gets uninvited from Thanksgiving at their own mother's house), you might have seen our endorsement of the only viable candidate for the 2016 race.*
With election coverage reaching dizzying heights in recent months, the nature of the game has become quite clear: Big Media wants to keep us from the Truth. The media blackout has left the most progressive candidates out of the spotlight. One man in particular has been neglected. A man with a vision. A candidate with plans.
So, Spring Break is still two weeks away, which right now seems like a lifetime. As midterms have arrived, we suggest using these events as mini "stay-cations" from the depths of VP, so that you're not overwhelmed by the prospect of having no obligations for a week.
Now you have a decent excuse for not working out today because Pottruck is currently undergoing some shaky renovations. We're not sure if the administration is trying to make the East Coast's first 4-floor swimming pool, or if bursting pipes are just trying to keep us from working off our lonely Valentine's day sadness. Either way, we're just gonna buy some discount chocolate tomorrow instead.
Immediately clear your calendars for February 17th because Caitlyn Jenner is coming to campus. Caitlyn will be joined by Penn alum Buzz Bissinger, who interviewed her for the iconic Vanity Fair cover, and the pair will be chatting about Cait's experiences in our very own Irvine.
Bridge Café is giving out free coffee to help us power through finals – Starting TONIGHT, and going till Thursday the 17th, Bridge is extending its normal hours and offering free coffee from 9 p.m. to 12 a.m. Make sure to peek your head out of your Huntsman GSR to get some free caffeine from nice people!
This one's a nod to all those artistes who take it upon themselves to anonymously share their angst on the walls of the bathrooms and carrels of VP, partaking in the age old tradition that dates back to Benjamin himself. We took it upon ourselves to give a voice to the voiceless, and rank these thoughts.
(1/...) "People come to me at their worst, and, because of that, I've seen a lot. Ever spend twelve hours one-on-one with someone sopping up their tears with multi-grain Cosi bread as they try to understand orgo? I have. Ever have unimaginative expletives carved into your skin while having a hot-n-bitter Mark's latte poured on your lap? Hey same.
On Friday night, Barbara Walters interviewed the Trump spawn about their father, hitting on the hard subjects, like his hair and his great (read: definitely racist) sense of humor. Described as “Trump’s Instagram-loving ‘mystery’ daughter,” Tiffany says that Donald is glad she didn’t inherit his hair, but we personally think things would be a lot more interesting if she did. Although Barbara did a stand-up job, UTB would just like to ask Tiffany: When are you dropping your next single? Is there potential for a Kayvon collab? Tiff if you're reading, feel free to send us your response (in bullet point form, Times New Roman, Size 12 font, 1.5 spacing) to tips@underthebutton.com.
CHICAGO – In a long tradition of shoutouts from the finest satirical magazine in the Websites Named After An Allium Vegetable category (with the Garlic in hot pursuit), the Onion published two articles in the last month featuring The Dear Old University of Pennsylvania.
Time has come for this week’s chapter of Most Depressing Places (here’s I, II, III, and IV if you need some more suggestions for a good spot to power cry). This week we examine the other side of Pottruck.
Sunday Morning: The RoDeer, still trashed from Halloween festivities, wants desperately to get a breakfast burrito, just so he can put this over-hyped weekend behind him. But, alas, he's unable to stand. He (silently) curses Tomas, the overeager freshman that convinced him to down that handle at 3 a.m.
In more landscaping news, Penn’s seductive spruces have attracted the world’s gaze. Penn made 13th place on Buzzfeed's list of the 25 Most Beautiful College Campuses in the WORLD. We beat out the striking University of Otago, (Suck it, New Zealand) along with fellow Ivies Brown and Columbia.
Drown your woes from yesterday's downpour with some pictures that'll remind you how sensual fall foliage can be. Thanks to those bold tipsters who responded to our "pics?" call, and gave us exactly what we wanted to see.