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Another round of voting has come and gone in the epic saga known as Penn Madness. While others complain about their "sports teams" losing in the NCAA March Madness, we here at UTB are mourning the dismissal of Amy Gutmann's Red Suit from the competition. Vote now as our illustrious (and illustrated!) Final Four battle it out for a spot in the finale: [poll id="70"] [poll id="71"]
Well, it's the last full week of March, although Weather.com might indicate otherwise. Time is FLYING, Quakerz! So don't get burnt out, because Penn is a-bustlin' with events galore. Maybe your midterms are done! Maybe the Fling headliner will be announced! Two-thirds of the student body is likely in tech week for the myriad of performances happening this upcoming weekend. Let's take a look at what's going down on campus before the arrival of April and all its alcoholism.
[poll id="66"]
It's that time of year again! While we salute those of you who partake in March Madness in the traditional sense, sometimes bringing the bracket a little closer to home is nice. (The Quakers aren't in the tourney this year, are they?) Regardless of whether or not you made your predictions in the DP's Bracket Challenge, UTB has an eclectic assortment of eateries, emails and A-Guts to battle it out to the bitter end. This is strictly biz, we don't play around - a winner will be crowned within mere days. (Will it beat the Fling announcement?) Click the jump to meet our glamorous contestants and cast your votes for Round 1! Au Bon Pain: How we kvetched about that airport/food court establishment that plagued our precious Huntsman. But you never know a good thing til it's gone, and it's replacement is a Bridge Cafail. RIP ABP. Subway: The main chain to fall victim to the Commons Renovation of 2012. Somehow our five dollaz don't feel as good going to Pizza 4IE as they do with footlongs. Although we appreciate the PiPun. [poll id="58"] 44th Street: Just west of campus, a trenday stretch of 44th boasts such hip hotspots as Lil Pop Shop, Tampopo, Honest Tom's and Local 44. Baltimore: Or does the street south of Pine deserve the honor? Home to the dollar stroll, Askum and Green Line, Tracy Turnblad would love its BYOs. [poll id="60"] Sandy: As in the October hurricane that didn't stop our power (or penchant for boozing), but did stop our classes. Nemo: As in the winter storm that dropped feet of snow on Connecticut, but only affected us with annoying statuses about "finding" it. [poll id="61"] Red Amy Gutmann Suit: The red one. Black Amy Gutmann Suit: The black one. [poll id="59"] Freezing St. Patrick's Day: Last weekend's overhyped holiday turned frigid tipsy shitshow. Admit it, we can't have Call Me Maybe mini-Flings every year. Blarney Bust: Or Paddy's Irish cousin, the Blarney Stone? February was full of talk of an upcoming po-po raid, but this too was more than a wee bit overhyped. [poll id="62"] Microfilm: The underutilized treasure trove of archival documentz in VP. Look at any newspaper from any time, whether it's a monocle-chomping 18th century rag or the next-day reports of the moon landing (AKA government conspiracy.) Penn Transit: The underutilized free shuttle system that basically takes you anywhere in Philly fo free in a clean, environmentally-friendly bus. (We don't really understand how it works either.) [poll id="63"] John Legend and Train: A Penn alum and ICONIC ROCK BAND that will be performing a free concert at Penn Park the Friday after Fling. Lead singer NEVER trims chest hair. John Legend and A TRAIN: Plot twist. Would JL be even more unstoppable with a literal Amtrak locomotive that could send him on the railroad towards the drops of Jupiter?! [poll id="64"] Sexy Pics: Naked photOMG. Is the latest unfortunate listserv email the greatest? Broken Nose: Or does this frazzled mass message take the cake? Who nose? YOU DECIDE. [poll id="65"]
Oy vey. That's not how anyone wants to end ~*SPRinG BREAK 2k13*~, is it? The PSYC 162 listserv was treated to quite the email this afternoon, and it's almost as good as if it said the prof was cancelling the midterm. Prank or not, we hope someone learned her lesson. Don't be screenshotting your Snapchats!
We know midterms are stressful. You totes have the most hellish week on campus before jetting off in three days – so close and yet SO FAR. When caffeine (and other) highs crash, sometimes ya just gotta nap. This unidentified student, definitely not pledging anything, decided to have a siesta on the cold, hard concrete outside Rodin...dressed as a banana. B-A-N-A-N-A. Ain't good for your back, girl!
It's true, three of the cast members of Saturday Night Live will be on campus next month, and it's going to be March Madness! First, on the 19th at Irvine, SPEC Connaissance is bringing longtime SNL star Jason Sudeikis, because Sudeikis is the natural follow up to Sanjay (we're not complaining). Buy tickets for $5 here or on Locust for the discussion of Jason's path to SNL superstardom and becoming Olivia Wilde's fiancée and January Jones' maybebabydaddy.
Seriously. The disturbingly viral Harlem Shake videos currently dominating campus and the internet would not exist without Dear Old Penn. The dance has been around for decades, but the song "Harlem Shake" is by Brooklyn-based DJ Baauer, who was born Harry Rodrigues in West Philadelphia. Holla. But wait, there's more! AND IT'S HUGE NEWS. The dude who actually says "Harlem Shake" in those 30-second clips is artist Jayson Musson, whose 2001 song "Miller Time" is sampled...and JayMuss EARNED HIS M.F.A. FROM PENN, after graduating from UArts.
Swoon. Everyone's favorite Dean of Admissions got up close and personal with the one and only Al Roker this morning on Today, discussing the college search. He positively rocked a RED AND BLUE tie and told Al he loves when prospies are "relaxed." As if anyone could be relaxed around Eric Furda. He also recommended touring high schoolers find out where students "hang out," effortlessly identifying Locust Walk as Penn's social hub. So in tune with student life! Check out the clip above, complete with footage of Houston and College Green. We might have preferred he chat with Kathie Lee & Hoda on Today's fourth hour, at least Al said he wants his 10-year-old in the "UPenn" Class of 2025 (!).
If you haven't heard already, 1979 Penn alum Matthew White was tragically stabbed to death by his wife on Monday. The 6'11'' White played on the Quakers' Final Four men's basketball team, because that was a thing that occurred.
We don't think we can handle this. MAJOR props to Williams Cafe, which has hopped on the Queen Bey bandwagon and is serving Beyoncé (chocolate-caramel) lattes! Poor Michelle must feel bad that her own namesake coffee shop chose Sasha Fierce for drink of the week, but Penn always puts B's love on top. Head over to Williams, Single Ladies, because that cafe is full of lattes with they pockets full grown.
Phallic Phoolishness -- To the bros drawing penises on the adorable "I want to change the world by..." chalkboard outside Harnwell: stop being dicks.
PSA -- Locust Walk is slippery, y'all. Even if you have to be a hated slow walker, be careful! Make like a figure Sk8er, boi.
Last night, a dear tipster was a victim of a Bloody Sunday of sorts, but no Czar was overthrown. No, instead Penn was faced with chicken from repeat offender 1920 Nommons that was another sort of tragic. Was it the work of Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett? Or is the worst meat in Philly merely raw? Sound off below. Bon appétit!
Because he spoke there last night, according to this sign at the Annenberg Center for Performing Arts. If you say they're dreamers, you're not the only one. We guess he's a LEGEND in his own right?
DTF Crashes Bid Day -- All eight sororities got their BEST BIDDIES EVER last night, but the oft-forgotten ninth sisterhood, Delta Tau Feta, had a lonely, lonely Bid Night. Check out the ladies' sketch here.
The 2015 Class Board has released its video of the annual Sophomore Sorting Banquet and it's bloody brilliant. Mad props for interspersing clips of Dame Maggie Smith in between footage of the event at the Great (Houston) Hall, complete with basilisks and butterbeer. The Dowager Countess is basically UTB's Horcrux.
LOST & FOUND: Looking for that white slice? It's looking for you. Pictured here is a (mostly) uneaten slice of Allegro pizza, which has gloomily lived on the 4000 block of Spruce for over 24 hours. Kudos to Penn for not giving into temptation with last night's case of the drunchies. The Philly raccoon community might not have as much restraint.
Oh snap! We just had a vision! Dozens of girls, flawlessly arranged on a staircase for impeccably timed meet-and-greets. Their shivering, stiletto-wearing prospects are in awe of the sisters, rocking their Greek letters layered under cardigans and wearing "Blake Lively natural makeup," as opposed to a RuPaul look. (Because Serena van der Woodn't, right?)
How appropriate! Hi, peeps. How've ya been? We interrupt your busy, rowdy (Neflixy, gluttonous) winter break with glorious news. As they have in years past, Penn Masala is journeying to India for the first half of January for five-stop a cappella extravaganza! We'd expect nothing else of Penn's beloved Masala, and we're sure Obama is kvelling just as much.