(05/07/14 5:04pm)
Wharton student Zachary Woods reported dead -- after a fatal car crash took place yesterday at 30th & Walnut Streets. Check back with The DP for continued coverage of the developing story.
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Wharton student Zachary Woods reported dead -- after a fatal car crash took place yesterday at 30th & Walnut Streets. Check back with The DP for continued coverage of the developing story.
Don't want to study for finals? Tell us something we don't know. Luckily, we've made the ultimate guide to procrastinate any and all work you have. Follow along as we offer you twenty real, fake, and half-assed things to do instead of studying.
In case the swarm of juniors taking over Locust decked out in hats and canes didn't tip you off, Hey Day is finally here! Now, what exactly happens on Hey Day, you plebeian underclassmen ask? OBVIOUSLY, a simple, sober procession down Locust is the main attraction! Activities that rival those of Fling are going down as we write this post, and we're here to provide our own reimagining of one of those sacred traditions: the Quad encounter between the drunken junior and the current freshman living in what was once that junior's room.
Could it be? Could this really be the last full week of classes? As you emerge from whatever haze you're in this morning, whether the result of too many bongs, bunnies, or bubbes, get ready to fill up your Google Calendar as we all try to take advantage of these last few fleeting weeks of the semester. But bear with us, because there's a lot of shit going on.
Free Wawa coffee all day, any size -- in honor of their 50th anniversary. Because Wawa knows we're broke, and Wawa cares.
Deep breaths, deep breaths...FLING WEEKEND IS (ALMOST) HERE!!! How totally psychedelic! Like it or not, we'll be documenting each and every one of your dude-even-the-Quad-security-thought-I-was-sober, oops-no-I'm-definitely-more-drunk-than-I-thought-I-was, well-what-do-we-have-here-I'm-blackout, nahhh-bitch-I-just-blacked-in, and-now-I'm-ready-to-rally, moves beginning Friday (tonight? Thursday?). Read on to find out the least peaceful and loving things that will be taking place sooner than you can say fling, flang, FLUNG.
Advance Registration for Fall classes closes tonight at midnight -- in case you didn't already know (which you probably didn't, otherwise we wouldn't have bothered to write this post). So go on and get to planning the rest of your college career in approximately 3 hours! Is there any better way to spend a Sunday night?
After an unexpected surge in the final 24 hours of polling--and we should note that the voting was very nearly 50/50--we'd like to extend our sincere congratulations to...#THEOSTHEOSTHEOS!
We here at UTB take seriously our commitment to provide you all with the juiciest, sauciest, most scandalous gossip on campus. That's why we've decided to foray into the world of investigative journalism, as we uncover the eight edgiest names that appear on various plaques on the 38th Street Bridge. Blood, sweat, tears--and rain--went into the compilation of this list, which we understand may cause a bit of a controversy. Read on if you think you can handle it.
We're sorry. We're sorry that break is over; we're sorry that there's a 70% chance of snow today; we're sorry that tomorrow you have an exam you haven't yet started studying for. Let the following list of events be our peace offering, and remember that better days are ahead of us.
Just when we thought Hill was making a name for itself, it had to go and do this. Look, we're all for a bit of friendly competition between the sexes, but c'mon Hill Council--why the not-so-subtle stereotyping? Honestly, this email just leaves us wondering if the "Top-Ranked Male" would be allowed to get a jersey in pink. Ugh, just more proof that Beyoncé really is flawless.
Add period ends tomorrow -- So stop acting like you can get away with taking four classes again this semester and register for a fifth. Seriously, are you trying to graduate on time, or... ?
Seth Meyers is no longer an anchor for Weekend Update, and we're certainly mourning the loss. However, the recently announced Authors@Wharton Spring lineup is helping to ease our pain, as our beloved late night jokester's lady friend is slated to make yet another appearance at Penn in April.
Is the ominous foreshadowing of how little sleep you'll get this semester – proved by your recently updated GCal – getting you down? Are you already sick of the (so-called) "food" options on campus? Or did Bey's ridiculous performance at the Grammys just make you want to give up?
Freshman died last night -- The DP has reported that Madison Holleran, a varsity athlete, passed away in Center City last night. As a result, sorority recruitment has been cancelled for today and will resume tomorrow. Check back for more updates.
Free clam chowdah at Doc Macgrogan's until 6 p.m. -- Because Philly doesn't know how to function when it snows, the Oyster House is offering cups of New England's finest on the house to soothe our storm-induced anxieties. Stop by if you're in the hood (for some reason) and pretend that you're a resident of a region that actually knows what winter weather is like.
A brief list of what we appreciate most about this snapchat of some SAE brothers, which was featured in this past week's "Fail Friday" roundup on Total Frat Move, in no particular order: all the Miley tongues, the lack of explanation for why everyone is shirtless, that one kid who's rubbing his nipples seductively, that other kid who's utterly elated at being sprawled across all his bros, and of course, the caption. We're not exactly sure of what you won, but we're proud. Thank you for the welcome distraction, but alas, we must get back to studying.
Drowning in the escapable stress that is the end-of-semester crunch? Not to worry, because Penn Vet is at it again. Tomorrow from 12 p.m. to 2 p.m., bring your pet to the hospital to get its picture taken with Santa. That's right. SANTA CLAUS AND A DOG IN THE SAME PICTURE. It's Santa Paws!
Forgive us, for we have sinned. It's been a…long semester, but it's finally winding down. We sure are a thankful bunch, but we've also done some ish we're not proud of. See below for all the things for which we only wish we could be forgiven.
The delivery may be a bit self-righteous, but the argument itself is valid: We do not drop a cool $60K a year to not get into courses we need for our major. Much respect for all those seniors who vow to confront the lady in the red pantsuit herself if they don't get a spot in that Wharton core class they need to graduate.