Holy Shit! Freshman Stepped on Compass, Got Wrecked by Midterm

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Photo by Alan Turkus / CC BY 2.0

Kevin Jeffress (E ’22) was off to a hot start at Penn. He had a seamless move-in experience, an unforgettable NSO, and managed to go to Pottruck every single morning for close to a month.

Everything changed, however, the moment Jeffress stepped on the Compass en route to the Upper Quad Gate. Six hours later, he fell victim to a Math 114 midterm. 

“I don’t really believe in superstition, but damn, man. I literally knew everything, and because I took that one step, everything got ruined,” Jeffress complained. 

Perhaps if all those people trying to enlist Jeffress into their fraternities’ blood drives got out of the way (or even people handing out the DP) we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Instead, he’s yet another cursed freshman.

That being said, not everyone is convinced that superstition is the reason. A day before the incident, Jeffress fell to the CIS 160 midterm

“He just lacks a fundamental knowledge of basic multivariable calculus. I stepped on the Compass with him, and beat the median by about four standard deviations,” Terry Ross (W ’22), Jeffress’ roommate, told us. 

At the end of the day, no one is really safe during midterm season. But for these freshmen, you just have to believe that the Compass might be the reason. 

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