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5 Sex Positions For Horny Freshmen Sleeping in Kings Court Lounges


Photo by Hearst Corporation / CC0

Hey, you sultry Kings Court residents. Have things been getting too steamy in your bedroom? No, literally, have you resorted to sleeping on the filthy couches and floor of your first floor lounge to escape attempting to fall asleep in a puddle of your own sweat? Knew it. 

These five sex positions will let you get it on when the A/C is off or nonexistent and you’re in a room with eight other pathetic freshmen.

1. Just the Fingertip: It’s too sticky for spooning or any physical contact with another human being for that matter. Simply lay about three feet away from your partner, both in starfish for maximum airflow, and outstretch one arm each so the tip of your index fingers barely touch. How intimate!

2. Ice, Ice Baby: Go across the street to Wawa and get a large cup of ice. It’s free, but maybe steal a pretzel while you’re at it. Won’t be the last time. Head back to the lounge, and stand to face your partner. Tuck in your shirt to your shorts, and allow your partner to dump half of the ice down your shirt. Now you do the same to them. Again, no touching! Just soft smiles as you feel the cubes melt on your abdomen and eat your half of the free carbs. 

3. Slurp-ee: Back to Wawa you go! This time buy two slurpees with the flavor of your choice, but we recommend piña colada. Sit down crisscross applesauce and suck on that straw while maintaining soft yet aggressive eye contact with your partner. Is it heating up in here, or is it just Kings Court?!

4. Cloggy Style: This one is super fun. Knock on your Nursing hallmate’s door, and ask to borrow her clinical clogs. If she’s hesitant, use some of the leftover ice cubes to drip water on your face for fake tears. Or use the sweat that was already dripping down your face. Once the clogs have been acquired, put the right one on and give the left shoe to your partner to put on as well. Then, get down on all fours as your partner does the same. Bear crawl down the hallway and listen to the silly, cloggy sounds! Yum.

5. Cowboy: Our final hot and public sex position is a doozy. Uber to the closest Outback Steakhouse and fuck your howdy partner in the bathroom. Giddy up!