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Elon Musk Tops Wharton's $50 Mil. Donation in Support of Penn Medicine Marijuana Research


Photo by Pictures of Money / CC BY 2.0

In recent weeks, 1984 Wharton graduate Marc J. Rowan and Carolyn Rowan donated fifty million dollars to the Wharton school. This was the largest single gift in Wharton history.

Elon Musk, seeing this headline through the bottom of another Teslaquila shot, decided he could do better. Musk announced via twitter, “The single largest gift in Wharton history was my presence. Will donate 50mil and an unused submarine.”  

“He sent that out from the floor of our daycare.” said one Tesla childcare worker. “He’s been in here on and off for months. It started with measuring the kids, then gradually shifted to begging them for justification. Now he just steals the TV in the corner to rewatch old SpaceX launches.” 

One intern passed by our conversation, ducking under the kiddy door cover to whisper with the former CEO. After passing Musk three blunts in a ziplock bag, the intern came back to tell us, “Elon said to change his donation recipient to Penn Medicine for their ‘weed research.’ He definitely sees the value in medical marijuana, but I can’t tell if he’s depressed or he just likes getting high.”

Seeing that the daycare was void of any children age-wise, UTB inquired on their temporary relocation. “Actually, we permanently relocated the kids to Elon’s old office. Ever since he was forced out of the chairman position, we have been using the kids’ conglomerate opinions to lead the company. They’re doing a gold star job."