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Freshman Who Chose Penn For ‘Party School’ Status Applies to Transfer After Visiting Literally Any Other School


Photo by speedywithchicken / CC BY SA-2.0

Penn students’ motto is work hard, play harder, right? Our bangers rival those of Playboy’s top party schools, yeah? So Jason Kaliff (C ’22) thought, until he visited his best friend from home at his random run-of-the-mill college over Fall Break.

Kaliff had been impressed thus far with Penn party scene, which consisted of standing around on packed, sweaty dance floors while holding and gently sipping cups of top-shelf rubbing alcohol. Compared to high school when the highlights of his Saturday nights were flicking boogers and playing Fortnite for hours on end, this seemed pretty sick.

That was until Kaliff left campus for Fall Break and went to any other school on either side of the Mississippi. The parties were different in any and every way: the music, drinks,  ambiance... all different and significantly better. At the end of the weekend, coming back to University City from any other college campus, he realized he had made a grave mistake.

Kaliff emailed his advisor bright and early Monday morning to kickstart the transfer process, excited to attend his dream party school of Not Penn. Fingers crossed, Jason!