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Review: 5 Best Places to Cry in the Quad When the Looming Existential Dread and Cocaine Hit at the Same Time


Photo by Kelly MacGarrigle

The weekend is in full swing. You’ve been partying since Thursday (because who needs a liver or a passing grade in Econ?) and you’re heading back to the Quad, the fortress that is always freezing cold and burning hot at the same time. Unfortunately, you left your PennCard at the party, somewhere between the drunk guy on the floor and the ten lines of cocaine you finished the night with. So now, you’ve got to find somewhere else to have your weekend cry at! 

Lucky for you we’ve made a list of all the fun alternative spots in this lovely historical building on campus where you can sob until you run out of tears

  1. One of the thousands of hallways in this mold filled maze! If you want to shake it up a bit, try screaming and sobbing at the same time. It’s the quad, so the screams will fit right in with the average Saturday night. For a fun twist, try harmonizing with the person screaming on the floor below you, to make some music for the halls. 
  2. The mailroom!  Pick one of the quad mailrooms and curl up in the corner while you come down from the cocaine high. You’ll be along, since no one knows how to open their box anyway, and have given up on any hope of getting their mail. You can spend your entire night twirling the dials (left… right… left… clockwise, counterclockwise...why am I alive…) until the fear of failure has gone down to a low hum. 
  3. The center of McClelland Hall! Take a warm blanket and a trash can and lie down in the center of the chairs, staring at the local news broadcast. Listen to the all-night broadcast and stare into the empty eyes of the broadcasters. Yes, John. I do want to learn about those deals. I do. Do you know why I’m a failure to my family, Johnny? Do you? 
  4. Your house office! There’s always something fun going on in your house office, and you can finally do all those things you’ve been promising your parents you’ll do in Philly! Also, in the wise words of Chris from Parks and Rec, “If I keep my body moving, and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.” So, keep those legs moving, and that Insta feed well stocked, and put off actually addressing your issues for the low, low price of a five-dollar co-pay!
  5. The Ware courtyard! Stand in the center of the sidewalks, staring up into the void, and let the constant and eternal sounds of construction lull you to sleep. 

Happy crying, freshmen!