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'It's Senior Year, I Don't Care About School Anymore!' Says Student Who Pulled All-Nighter in VP Last Night


Photo by 27707 / CC0

Senior year: the year of lasts, firsts, parties, and the impending doom of transitioning into a somewhat functioning adult outside of this microcosm of coffee chats and coffee shops. Bobby Jenkins (W ’19), though, has been loving this semester so far.

“It’s senior year! Obviously I don’t care about school anymore. I’m just living my life and hanging out with my bros with literally no responsibilities,” exclaimed Jenkins as he walked out of VP basement at 8:00 a.m., moments after submitting an essay that took him all night to write. “Seriously, this is my best year of college by far. I’ve definitely been drinking more beer than water,” he continued as his bloodshot eyes began twitching slightly.

Jenkins speculated he’s lost brain cells from “so much beer can detonation” but that he “doesn’t even need his brain cells anymore,” though this was just before he walked into Huntsman, fully ready to actively engage in his riveting Marketing class.

“Sometimes I even forget I’m here for school. In my mind, I’m here for one thing and one thing only: to get fucked up.” Jenkins remains quite aware that he’s here for school, seeing as he just stocked up on snacks at Wawa, preparing to camp out in Huntsman to prepare for a midterm tomorrow.