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Nice! Fellow Bathroom Patrons Can't Hear You Take Massive Shit If You Leave AirPods In


Photo by FloTV / CC0

Duty calls, and sometimes it calls outside the comfort of your apartment's shared toilet. And what’s worse than the agony of knowing that people who simply want to empty their bladder are hearing and probably appalled by the bellowing plops of your poop? 

You cough, flush mid-grunt, wait until you physically can’t prevent it from sliding out of you, or hope for the best, but none of these strategies are truly effective. However, sophomore Nick Ranzetti made a breakthrough revelation that can and will revolutionize the way we take massive shits in public.

He explained his tactic, which solely consisted of leaving your AirPods in as you blast your favorite song, because “if you can’t hear it, no one can. Crazy how that works.”

Since recognizing the wonder of this concept, Ranzetti said that he’s testing its limits by being a bit more vocal and dramatic on the toilet than usual. Still, “the sounds of my bowel movements are muted by my deafening music, and nobody in the bathroom has ever said anything to me about it. So that must mean it’s working. Sure, I get a few stares in the mirror when I wash my hands, but who doesn’t?”

Nick, thank you for this contribution to society.