Under the Button is part of a student-run nonprofit.

Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on our site.

Knock Knock! It's Your Cool RA — Talk To Me About Your Sex Life!


Photo from Good Free Photos / CC0

Hey there, really gonna need you to turn the music down… Haha, just kidding dude. Live it up! Its me, Craig; technically I’m your RA, but I like to think of myself more of a "RAD." It spells rad, like radical, and those are really the vibes I’m trying to bring to my hall.

Just wanted to check in, see if your year has been tight so far. You've got that sweet, sweet single so I’m sure you’re getting something that’s tight, if you catch my drift. No roommate means you’re free to get nasty twenty-four sevzies. 

Oh, what’s that? Struggling to make friends? Yeah, I understand. Being social can be tough, dawg, but hey — keep that sad shit to yourself. Let's talk about something actually relevant, like your sex life. There are a lot of cuties on this hall... but, uh, you didn’t hear that from me. Haha. That girl Brenda in 305: smoking, dude. I've got about 300 free condoms in my room right now and I want them all gone by the end of this semester. 

I know it's weird talking to adults about sex. They’re so old and lame; they never understand. You can talk to me, though. I’m in college just like you. You can tell me anything. Specifically, you can tell me about all the sex you've been doing.