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‘Ow! My Pee! It Burns!' and 7 Other UTI-Related Exclamations to Ward off That Creepy Guy at the Bar


Photo from Max Pixel / CC0

Picture this. You’re hanging out with your besties on a night out, just trying to get your drank on, when a man thinks his penis gives him the right to have a conversation with you. Hate to see it! But don’t worry, your night doesn’t have to be ruined. Bring out the big guns and use one or many of these UTI-related exclamations to ward off that creepy guy.

1. “Ow! My pee! It burns!” 

2. “My neck, my back, my urethra, and my bladder!”

3. “If you’re not wiping front to back, you’re wrong!”

4. “I wonder if these cramps are from my infected urinary tract, impending period, or potential pregnancy! It’s a gamble!”

5. “Hit da toilet, then hit dat ass, then hit da toilet again!”

6. “Spell ‘ICUP’ then say ‘funky colors.’ Cause it’s true! I’m peeing funky colors!”

7. “I can feel it coming in the air tonight. ‘It’ is the urge to pee!”

8. “Burn, baby, burn! Disco inferno! I’m talking about my urine.”

If he’s STILL hanging around after you’ve employed all of these strategies, you might as well let him buy you a drink since he’s quite the fighter. Vodka cranberry only, though.