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OP-ED: Yea My Roommate's Here But Lets Just Have Sex Quietly


Photo by Dan Douglas / CC BY-SA 2.0 

Wow, I had such a great time with you tonight. I was a little worried about doing this whole blind date thing but it really turned out great. The venue was amazing, the food was delicious, and our conversation was only moderately forced and uncomfortable. 

God, and that was such a romantic Uber ride home. I loved the way you drunkenly told the driver about your fourth-grade birthday party even though he didn’t ask you about it. So hot. Now that we’re back at my place in the high rises, the real fun can begin.

Oh, that sound? Yeah, that’s just my roommate Grayson. Don’t worry about him though, baby, it’s just you and me tonight. Your place? Nah girl, we got everything we need right here. You, me, a thin strip of wall between my bed and Grayson’s — let's get wild. Grayson actually has a pretty early morning though tomorrow, so let’s just be real quiet. 

There’s nothing to be uncomfortable about. These high-rise rooms were built for this exact type of situation. Based on my past sexual experiences, you probably won't be doing much yelling regardless, so this is no different. If you really don’t want to, though, I understand. Let’s just go to the rooftop lounge and plow with a view.