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Verdict Is In: No Way to Look Cool Carrying an &Pizza Box

Photos by Adam First / The Daily Pennsylvanian

So, you’ve picked up your boxed dinner from &Pizza. Now comes the fun part: how to get that eighth geometric wonder of the world back home to safety. There are a variety of techniques you can use to transport your &Pizza box to its final destination. Each method comes with its own pros and cons — none will be cool. 


The Classic

Hold the box like you would a normal pizza box — two hands on opposing parallel sides. However, one thing to keep in mind is that this box is longer than it is wide. If your stance begins to resemble that of Quasimodo, that just means you’re doing it right! 


The Head-Stand

That pizza has been meticulously designed to nourish that thriving brain in your head, so better keep it as close as possible to get that process started. This method is great for keeping hands free, ready to fight anyone who calls you names. It does, however, sacrifice a bit of stability in the process. 


The Waiter

Extend one arm and hold the pizza flat like… well, a pizza. This is the best way to honor the pizza’s Italian heritage, even though pizzas were not historically served in a trendy rectangle.   


The Quarterback

Tuck that box under your arm and protect it like it’s your baby. The streets of Locust are full of hungry, pizza grabbing thieves who might be trying to steal your precious cargo.

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The Top Hat

Don’t want to be seen holding that box in public? No worries! Scarf down the pizza outside the store and then wear the box like the piece of art that it is.