OP-ED: Yes, Bumble, I Am Buzzworthy, Now Tell That One Guy Who Hasn't Responded in 17 Days
December 6, 2018 at 12:35 am
Bumble, I sip your sweet, sweet nectar each and every night as I lay in my bed, swiping through my potential suitors. All alone, I feel a slight chill from the emptiness of my soul and apartment's dysfunctional heating system and wonder what it would be like to feel the warmth of a body next to mine.
As I carefully scrutinize men's grammar, hairstyles, and mirror pic to non-mirror pic ratio, I receive a Gmail notification and feel a tingle. It reads, “Mackenzie, You’re Buzzworthy.” I’ve read it before and I will read it again, though nothing quite compares to this daily dose of external validation blessing my inbox. I smirk to myself, feeling my cheeks turn red, and get back to swiping.
But then, I remember Mark. Mark’s clean-cut style, photos from his recent trip to the South of France, and the perfect amount of douchiness made him dreamy. Mark and I matched exactly 17 days ago, and I was ecstatic to see he had looked at my profile and thought something along the lines of “I guess I’d fuck.”
I sent Mark a quick “Hi cutie!” chat, to which he responded, “Wut is up girl?” What a way with words. I fired back with a classic: “Nm, hbu?!”
But I received nothing in return. Radio silence. I have waited, wanted, and prayed for a response, swiping on the other Bumblebees in this hive. But this Queen Bee wants—nay—needs Mark.
So, Bumble: yes, I am buzzworthy. Now tell Mark.