Letter from the Editor: Sorry Suckers, I’m a White Man Now
January 30, 2019 at 6:29 pm
Pleased to meet you all.
Formerly a self-critical and empathetic female, I’ve decided to publicly inform you all that I’ve changed since assuming my role as Editor-in-chief of Under the Button.
I’m the boss-man now. Head Honcho. Chief. Kingpin. Captain
Feedback? I don’t know her. I plan to lead blindly — there is no such thing as self-improvement when you are perfect. I don’t care how many people tell me it's “not a good idea to burn every bridge you have ever built,” or it's “not okay to fire people because you’re threatened by their potential,” or “you can’t pull off bangs” — chop, chop, bitches.
Look, I get it. I’m sure there are some great ideas out there, I really am. If you have one, feel free to run it by my intern, Jackson. I hired him specifically to lend a listening ear to those in need. Never say I didn’t give you anything.
A word of advice, if I may (that’s misleading — I intend to impart my wisdom upon you whether you like it or not). Keep your head up. If you get knocked down, pull yourself up by the bootstraps and keep on trucking. It’s easy. Look at me: my other intern, Simon, forgot to put oat milk in my cold brew this morning and I’m still standing. You got this.
The old me might have said something like “I’m so grateful to lead this incredible publication” or “I feel so lucky to work with such an amazing group of people,” or “I hope you’ll enjoy what we do at Under the Button for the next year,” but now I really just don’t care.
This is going to be a great year — because I said so.