Elizabeth Beugg


Junior Rejected from Club Wants to Start the Conversation on Ageism

Last week College junior Emma Bentley received news that she would not be invited to join the Penn Ikea Furniture Building Club. “I’ve always been a passionate builder—no—assembler. It was time to take the next step and move beyond my solo work,” said Bentley.

Freshman Excited to Live on His Own Won’t Do Laundry Until Fall Break

Ah, NSO. The sweet smell of freedom in the air. No parents, no rules, no repercussions for public intoxication. We met up with a particularly eager Wharton freshman, Aaron Abramovitz, who reflected on this new stage of life. 

Boy Obsessed with Catcher in the Rye Thinks All His Friends Are Fake as Fuck

Notable loner and College sophomore Harrison Shawfield was spotted last Monday smoking a cigarette outside Saxbys during a torrential downpour. “Have you ever noticed how fake people are?” Shawfield inquired after beckoning us over through the curtain of rain.

Wow! This Cool and Alternative Student Thinks There Are Too Many Starbucks On Campus

“There are too many Starbucks shops on campus,” Alms said boldly. “It came to me in a dream—this thought. While everyone else is out there following the herd, mobile ordering their Caramel Macchiatos, I’ll be out here alone, in search of something better.”

Girl Scrolling on Phone in Bedroom Forced to Get Up, Go to Class, Scroll on Phone in Lecture

College sophomore Leila Michaels got a taste of reality while browsing her social media feeds last Wednesday. At 10:48 a.m.

4 Milks that Say ‘I’m Not Lactose Intolerant, I’m From Los Angeles’

If you are looking to complicate the life of your local barista, here are four milks that scream ‘I’m gastrointestinally stable, but God forbid I be left out of the wellness revolution.

This Environmental Studies Major Wants You to Know He UberPools to Class

Unlike less eco-conscious Penn students, Environmental Studies sophomore David Friedman is doing his part to save our planet. “It’s disgusting how much waste we produce on campus,” Friedman said. “It’s time to make a change.”