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Elizabeth Beugg


Articles

Wax and Trump in Heated Competition to Bring Most Shame to Penn

It’s official — current U.S. President Donald Trump and tenured Penn Law Professor Amy Wax are neck-and-neck in their years long battle for most shameful public figure associated with the University of Pennsylvania. 


Locust Walk Now Locust Run

“Students aren’t motivated enough,” Henry Williams Chief Officer of Campus Activity said. “I see them out here wasting time all day long. Well you know what? Time’s up. No more leisurely strolls. No more catching up with friends. This world is a rat race. In a few years, you’re going to have a mortgage to pay off, so run, don’t walk, to that Bain Info Session."


In Memoriam of Notre Dame: A Photo Essay of My 2011 Trip to Paris

I have compiled these photos of my European adventure to honor this sacred building in our time of collective grief. 


Editorial: We Live in a Society

Some students at Penn like Copa, and some like Distrito. In the end, we all go to Smokes. What can we say? There is always a universal thread. We live in a society. 


Greek Life is Bad Because it Encourages Companionship, and That is Something I Can Live Without

If you find yourself stressed out and in need of help from your peers, you should probably just do what I do. Run away from your problems and blame it all on your astrological sign. Classic Pisces. 


Letter from the Editor: Enough is Enough, No More Fake News

I cannot imagine a more grotesque abuse of journalistic power. You, loyal readers, put your trust in us and we let you down. From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry. 


BREAKING: Looking to Buy One Magic Gardens Ticket

Look, I get it. You have big plans to roll with your squad, but no drug feels better than the joy of giving. Ecstasy who? Help me out.  


Rachel Van Pelt Condemns Participants in College Bribery Scandal

1.2 million dollars wasted in bribes — just think. We could have had another library.


Letter from the Editor: Sorry Suckers, I’m a White Man Now

Formerly a self-critical and empathetic female, I’ve decided to publicly inform you all that I’ve changed since assuming my role as Editor-in-chief of Under the Button.


Kendall Jenner Rejected From Smokes, Forced to Go to City Tap House

Though Jenner swore Tap House was her bar of choice, the hoards of Penn students waiting in line for Smokey Joe’s infamous “sink or swim” confirmed otherwise. 


Uh Oh! Your Spotify Wrapped Says You Spent 94,564 Minutes Being a Basic Bitch

OMG. The Spotify Wrapped 2018 results are in — you spent 94,564 minutes being basic as hell this year!


OP-ED: Can Campus Apartments Get Me a New Lease on Life?

This year, however, I cannot be fulfilled by a five-bedroom on Baltimore. Having a roof over your head is great, but what I really need right now is the chance to start anew.


OP-ED: Yes, I Have Never Been Single. No, I Did Not Have a Traumatic Childhood

 I was hanging out with my girlfriend Katie. No, no, not Katie Smith — we broke up last month.


Kawaii Story

٩(◕‿◕。)۶ ( ◡‿◡ *)*:・゚✧*:・゚*:・゚✧*:・゚:・゚✧*:・゚*:


Comedic Genius Calls Wharton Student a Snake

Lenny Kravetz (C ‘22) entered college without a sense of direction.


Evacuate the Dance Floor: I Want to Listen to '20 Something' by Sza Alone in the Middle of This Frat Party

Thanks especially to the brothers of Gamma Rho Kappa Kappa Upsilon Phi Beta Beta Beta for putting on this shindig—it’s been a blast.


OP-ED: I Don’t Care About Romance I Care About Platform Sandals

Listen up. I literally do not care who you are or what your name is. 


7-Year Dental Student Forgets to Floss, Expelled

Alex Wang, a junior in Penn’s accelerated dental program, just made a career-ending mistake.


Climate Change is Going to Kill Us All in 15 Years—Who's Tryna Fuck?

The UN says climate genocide is upon us—who here is tryna fuck?


BREAKING: Lindsay to Study Abroad in London

Did you hear? Lindsay is studying abroad in London next spring. She is so excited, but will miss her friends so much! The FOMO is real, haha. 


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