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Quiz: Am I Stoned During Lecture, or Do I Just Have No More Fucks to Give?


Photo by AlbertHerring / CC 2.0

For those who aren’t already aware, I’m more than three-quarters of the way through my college degree, and everyone knows that second semester senior year is just the formal way of saying “coasting.” Do I have a job yet? No shot. How many interviews do I have lined up for the next few weeks? Zilch. Am I going to start putting in more work than ever now that my professional future is rapidly approaching? You bet your sweet ass I won’t. What am I doing instead? Take this quiz to find out!

  1. What am I eating/drinking during class?
    1. A whole Tupperware container of ravioli
    2. A plastic water bottle that I wince whenever I take a sip from
  2. What am I doing on my computer?
    1. Looking at memes and googling if Pete Davidson has reactivated his Twitter or Instagram yet
    2. Staring at a blank Microsoft OneNote page
  3. Are any writing materials on my desk?
    1. No — I can’t fit both a notebook and my ravioli!
    2. No — I didn’t even buy one.
  4. Have I openly hit my Juul in lecture?
    1. Yes, but I ghosted it so it’s okay.
    2. No — I just leave twice per one-hour lecture to go to the bathroom.
  5. Do I smell like weed?
    1. I prefer to think that I smell like myself.
    2. No — I just smell like I ran out of shampoo and body wash two weeks ago and have been too lazy to buy more.

If you got mostly 1’s: I’m definitely stoned in class.

If you got mostly 2’s: I have no more fucks to give and also might be stoned in class.