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Amazon Prime Takes Over all Big-Little Week Deliveries


Graphic by Adam First / The Daily Pennsylvanian; Photos by Tammra M / CC BY 2.0, William Warby / CC BY 2.0

Sorry fraternity pledges, but your startup is about to go under. Starting Monday, Amazon Prime is taking over all big/little week deliveries.

After not picking Philadelphia as the sight of their new headquarters, Jeff Bezos had a moment of compassion and wanted to do something for the University. The initial plan was to replace all CIS Professors with Alexas, but saner heads prevailed and decided this project should take higher priority.

Amazon could not be more excited about the new endeavor, and research & development is well underway on how they can maximize this opportunity. They have been testing new silent drones that can fly into class with stealth-like precision, getting in and out quietly before your chalk-covered professor turns around from the board.

The most common deliveries used to be Starbucks and Insomnia, but after the partnership, experts believe that there will be a dramatic increase in the number of littles who receive Salmon Pillow Cushions and eight pound bags of cereal marshmallows. 

Now Amazon wasn’t the first choice for the replacement, but sororities are excited about the change. One Rho Gamma said, “I mean, the UPS guy from Legally Blonde can only deliver so many packages, so I guess Amazon is the next best thing.”