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"I Hate My Life" Complains Student Experiencing Best 4 Years of Her Life


Photo from Pxhere / CC0

Anne Raymond (E ‘22) has had just about enough of Penn. For all the opportunities she’s been afforded, none of them seem compelling enough to warrant emotional investment.

“I’m so done with everything,” claimed Anne, who would in a few years will be consigned to the cubicle that would become her home for the next 50 years. “I’m so ready to graduate and enter the real world (where I will spend decades pondering what could have been)”

“It’s not that I don’t enjoy a challenge,” noted Raymond, who throughout her life would convince herself that she peaked in high school, college, her first temp job, her second temp job, her third temp job, and her brief stint as assistant manager. “I just feel like I’ve worked hard enough to get here, you know?”

Despite living minutes from her friends, enjoying her first experiences with drugs and alcoholic substances, and being at the highest level of fitness she will ever achieve, Raymond is often found angrily tweeting about her situation. 

"College is just, like, really hard. The real world can't possibly be this demanding, you know?" Raymond told UTB reporters after waking up at 11 am for her first class. “Oh wait, gotta go,” she sighed, “Need to renew my Chegg.”