DOJ to Investigate Admission of Swim Team Athlete Wearing Floaties

After indicting former Penn basketball coach Jerome Allen for accepting bribes to recruit a student, the Department of Justice set their sights on another case, this one involving Tate Dentworth (W '20), the only member of the men’s swim team who wears flotation devices when competing.

The Department reportedly became suspicious of the student's qualifications after an agent witnessed him  refusing to jump in the deep end of the pool. Dentworth only agreed after donning two inflatable arm bands, both with Finding Nemo print.

"I wear the armbands for aerodynamics," he said. "They're aerodynamic armbands. For speed."

Dentworth was recruited by the men's swimming coach after multiple private sessions in which the coach was flown privately to his home in Gladwyne, PA. According to a family friend, however, the Dentworths filled their inground pool back in 2012 to make space for a basketball court, hoping that their son would dunk his way to an elite institution — unfortunately, he topped off at 5'6" and was never very athletic.

Members of the swim team declined to comment on Dentworth's ability, but a member of the DOJ said that his backstroke was "abhorrent" and he could not hold his head underwater "even with a snorkel."

The University has stated that no matter the findings of the investigation, they will not rename the Dentworth Swimming & Aquatic Recreation Facility.