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Big Woof! The Service Dog in Your Lecture Got a Higher Score Than You on the Midterm


Photo by Pete Markham / CC BY-SA 2.0

The grades for the second midterm were just released, and you know the service dog in your lecture got a higher score than you. Sure, we all know you're not supposed to compare yourself to others at such a competitive school, but what’s the fun in that? Here is a side by side comparison of you and the service dog from lecture. 

First off, he’s smarter than you. He got a higher score than you on the second midterm: 28/100. He knows six words. How many words do you know? Like... five? Yeah, keep reading if you can. 

Second. He’s cuter than you. His hair only had three sticks in it yesterday, and he managed to scratch all of them off. The bird nest that you call your hair, on the other hand, couldn't be scratched out if you tried. 

Third. People like him more than you. He stops to stretch in class, and the entire lecture stops to praise him. When you stop to stretch in class the teacher cold calls you. The dog groans in class and people say, “what a good boy,” but when you groan in class people say, “for the love of God Kyle you better not be masturbating in lecture again.” With him, sources say, “awwwww,” but with you they say, “I wish I was looking at the service dog instead.”

As much as you try to compete, you will never be as good a boy as the service dog from class.