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OP-ED: I May Not Give A’s, but I Do Give High Fives


Photo (with edits by Adam First) from pxhere // CC0

What’s up my dudes! Really, thank you for taking this class. I had no idea so many of you were as interested in the Evolution of Matchbox Car Paint Color as I am! 

Now, alright. I know a few of you are really here because this class is supposedly an “easy A” or whatever. Instead of actually making the course more challenging, I’ve just decided to eliminate the letter A from my repertoire. Just imagine the alphabet starting with the letter B instead. 

I don’t believe in perfection, as you could probably tell from my self-given haircut. In fact, all letters are meaningless. You know what isn’t? The crisp, tingly feeling you get from a firm, well-earned high five. That’s right — do well in my class, and you can expect a waterfall of those glorious, brief palm smooches.  

So yeah, I’m sorry for anyone who took this class just for the GPA boost. Anyway, let’s get started with the Metallic Era!